[review] The Goddaughter by Melodie Campbell (2012)

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book, book review, ebook, humor, novel, novell, romance, TLC book tours

The Goddaughter by Melodie Campbell (2012)
by Melodie Campbell (Twitter.)
Publication Date: September 1st, 2012
Publisher: Raven Books (Imprint of Orca Books)
Edition Read: E-book gifted by author for TLC Book Tours

Buy a copy via Amazon.
Goodreads.

Stolen jewels, a cross-country chase, and a reluctant mob goddaughter make for a whole lot of laughs!

Despite her best efforts to lead a law-abiding life, Gina Gallo cannot quite escape her mob family. Since she’s a certified gemologist, Gina has become a key player in the family’s gem-smuggling operations. Now she has met a great guy, a reporter named Pete, and she’ll do almost anything to keep him from discovering her shady side. But when a gem delivery goes awry, Gina has to take Pete along for the ride.

My Thoughts:
The Goddaughter was surely a rapid read at 134 pages and seemed like the perfect light, funny read to balance out the pile of post-apocalyptic reads I’ve been devouring lately–unfortunately, I didn’t enjoy The Goddaughter as much as I hoped. I’m afraid the short length might have ruined the book for me. For much of the book I was thrown in an unrelenting whirlwind of action and not quite enough character development to make me invested the the story.

I already knew that The Goddaughter was supposed to be short, and wasn’t expecting a deep story or complex characters, but I wanted more than just two gorgeous, sexy people jumping from one random place to the next. The story moves FAST, I was at chapter two before I began to grasp what was happening. Eventually I gave up and just believed whatever the author threw at me: Toronto? okay. Wait, they are back in the states now? If you say so.

I know Gina, the protagonist, was supposed to be snarky and funny, but I found her too impulsive. She easily steals the spotlight from Pete, which became just a guy that Gina dragged along. He was cute, but that was there was no depth. I’m not even sure what his background is, except he’s supposed to be the perfect guy. The only time that might’ve been funny was when she compared on Pete’s scent to yummy bread. I hope it was a joke and she wasn’t serious. Overall, if you are looking for a no-brainer, pick The Goddaughter up. There was a lot of action, so if you are looking for a fun read, this might be your thing. But for me, the story fell short as unmemorable.

Rating: C++

Want more of Melodie Campbell’s The Goddaughter? Don’t forget to check out the rest of the TLC tour stops!

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[review] Charlotte Street by Danny Wallace (2012)

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book, book review, camera, humor, journalism, novel, romance, stalking, TLC book tours

Charlotte Street (2012)
by Danny Wallace (Twitter.)
Publication Date: October 23rd, 2012
Publisher: HarperCollins; William Morrow Paperbacks
Edition Read: ARC, Read for TLC Book Tours

Buy a copy via Amazon.
Goodreads.

Jason Priestley (no, not that Jason Priestley) is in a rut. He gave up his teaching job to write snarky reviews of cheap restaurants for the free newspaper you take but don’t read. He lives above a video-game store, between a Polish newsstand and that place that everyone thinks is a brothel but isn’t. His most recent Facebook status is “Jason Priestley is . . . eating soup.” Jason’s beginning to think he needs a change.
-synopsis from Goodreads.

My Thoughts:
Being swamped in a towering pile of projects and midterms, it took me over a week to finish Danny Wallace’s new novel, Charlotte Street. For a brief moment I considered the ramifications if I didn’t finish reading the book in time for the blog tour; I’d probably either have to make some lame excuse like me accidentally dropping the book over my balcony, or I would have to piece together a glowing review from other people’s thoughts and pretend I knew what I was talking about. How ironic it would be to write a “fake” review for a novel about a guy that writes reviews for a pizza he hasn’t eaten, and a film he didn’t watch. Fortunately, I was able to finish the novel with nineteen days to spare and you are reading a review from someone who actually finished all 400 pages.

[review] Wonder by R.J. Palacio (2012)

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book, book review, bullying, face, face deformities, humor, school, sickness, treacher-collins

Wonder (2012)
by R.J. Palacio
Hardcover Edition
Publication Date: February 14th, 2012
Publisher: Knopf Books for Young Readers
buy a copy via Amazon.
synopsis via Goodreads.

Book Trailer:

I won’t describe what I look like. Whatever you’re thinking, it’s probably worse.

August (Auggie) Pullman was born with a facial deformity that prevented him from going to a mainstream school—until now. He’s about to start 5th grade at Beecher Prep, and if you’ve ever been the new kid then you know how hard that can be. The thing is Auggie’s just an ordinary kid, with an extraordinary face. But can he convince his new classmates that he’s just like them, despite appearances?

My Thoughts:
I’m usually not a middle-grade reader, but the cover caught my attention since the beginning of the year. I’ve seen a couple glowing reviews for it, but I didn’t think much about it until I saw it in the library last week, and I was like “why not?” I read the first few pages to test the book out, and I somehow ended reading thirty pages…and I still wasn’t sure what’s up with the main character, Auggie: from the first few pages, I knew he had something that set in apart, but I didn’t know what exactly–so I borrowed the book to sate my curiosity. And boy am I glad I did.

Wonder is the fascinating, inspiring story of Auggie who is born with a severe Treacher-Collin’s syndrome, making his face almost hideous to strangers. He attends school for the first time in fifth grade, and he struggles to fit into the school environment. But he is not the only one with problems as his friends and family also struggle to adapt to him. The story, theme may be predictable, but it’s the execution that makes Wonder special. Each character has their own engaging, heartfelt story to tell. Wonder is definitely one of my favorite, thought-provoking reads this year. It opens itself to many discussions, and I wish I read it when I was in fifth grade.

[review] Delirium by Lauren Oliver (2011)

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adventure, book, book review, family, friends, humor, love, love story, romance

Delirium (2011)
by Lauren Oliver
Hardcover Edition
Publication Date: February 1, 2011
Publisher: HarperTeen
buy a copy via Amazon.
synopsis via Goodreads.

Before scientists found the cure, people thought love was a good thing. They didn’t understand that once love — the deliria — blooms in your blood, there is no escaping its hold. Things are different now. Scientists are able to eradicate love, and the government demands that all citizens receive the cure upon turning eighteen. Lena Holoway has always looked forward to the day when she’ll be cured. A life without love is a life without pain: safe, measured, predictable, and happy.

But with ninety-five days left until her treatment, Lena does the unthinkable: She falls in love.

My Thoughts:
It appears I am in the minority that didn’t fall head over heels for this book. I suspect I went in with high expectations and left with disappointment when the book didn’t deliver. I found it much like The Uglies series with the whole “cure” thing, but with less action and more lovey-dovey stuff. However, I know why so many people love this book: the prose is absolutely beautiful. I liked the idea of a society where love is a disease; it made me contemplate the purpose of this society and if the people are still human if they have no love. However, the story it was just so unbelievably predictable where everything was all rainbows and butterflies…until maybe the last twenty pages or so. Delirium is really a love story more so than a dystopian novel.

I needed more depth in the world, and the society to make me believe Lena’s world–because right now I think he dystopian society is just background information to build tension for the Lena’s love story. I should’ve played Rihanna’s “We Found Love” while reading this: “we found love in a hopeless place~”

[review] Everybody Says Hello by Michael Kun (2012)

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book, book review, denise richards, epistolary novel, funny, heather locklear, humor, lawyers, letters, novel, postcards, wheaties

Everybody Says Hello (2012)
by Michael Kun
Trade Paperback (Review copy sent by author. Thank you, Mike!)
Publication Date: April 16th 2012
Publisher: Livingston Pr
buy a copy via Amazon.
synopsis via Goodreads.

Everybody Says Hello follows forty-something Sid Straw as he moves from Baltimore to Los Angeles to start a new job and a new life. Everything would be great if he could just get out of his own way.

My Thoughts:
Michael Kun’s Everybody Says Hello is a wonderful, funny epistolary (it means “consisting of letters,” I looked it up a minute ago) novel. We deduce Sid Straw’s adventures through his writing to his family, friends, co-workers, Heather Locklear, Obama, a black cop, and transvestite he met online. Everbody Says Hello is a perfect light read, and it was just a whole lot of fun–if not tummy-hurting hilarious.

Why I Wanted To Read It:
I was feeling hipster and wanted to read something that nobody heard about. Ok, not completely (even though I do lean towards box from big publishing houses.)
I came across LOLing at Books an article by Morgan Macgregor on BookRiot. And I was curious just how funny Kun was since he’s capable of making someone laugh to the point she had to get off the bus.

[review] The Hunger Pains by The Harvard Lampoon (2012)

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adventure, book, book review, douchebags, funny, humor, movie, parody, the hunger games

The Hunger Pains (2012)
by The Harvard Lampoon
Hardcover Edition
Publication Date: February 7, 2012
Publisher: Touchstone (Simon & Schuster)
buy a copy via Amazon.
synopsis via Goodreads.

Book Trailer:

WINNING MEANS WEALTH, FAME, AND A LIFE OF THERAPY. LOSING MEANS DEATH, BUT ALSO FAME! THIS IS THE HUNGER PAINS. When Kantkiss Neverclean replaces her sister as a contestant on the Hunger Games—the second-highest-rated reality TV show in Peaceland, behind Extreme Home Makeover—she has no idea what to expect. Having lived her entire life in the telemarketing district’s worst neighborhood, the Crack, Kantkiss feels unprepared to fight to the death while simultaneously winking and looking adorable for the cameras. But when her survival rests on choosing between the dreamy hunk from home, Carol Handsomestein, or the doughy klutz, Pita Malarkey, Kantkiss discovers that the toughest conflicts may not be found on the battlefield but in her own heart . . . which is unfortunately on a battlefield.

My Thoughts:
I’m a fan of The Hunger Games series (and yes, I read it before the movie because I’m so hipster), and when I saw The Hunger Pains: A Parody at the library-I just had to grab it off the shelf. It looked like a perfect short read (though fourteen bucks for such a tiny book baffles me.) I’ve read The Harvard Lampoon’s Twilight parody titled Nightlight, so I had an idea of what I was getting into: ridiculousness. Imagine 5% of the original Hunger Games mixed with lame fart jokes, Saturday Night Live, Jamaican accents, completely randomness, and no wit. The Hunger Pains is completely silly, the writing is laughably simplistic (reminiscent of the crazy stories I wrote as a kid with my friends), the characters borderline inane, but I enjoyed The Hunger Pains. The story was just so absurd, I couldn’t help giggling at its ridiculousness: Pita (incredibly fat with manboobs and constantly needs attention) in an effort to camouflage himself, turns himself into a wedding cake. If you didn’t think that was funny, this book isn’t for you.

I can see readers either go one way or the other: either they embrace the randomness, or be butthurt that their favorite characters are parodied as undesirable messes.

Rating: B-

[review] I Hunt Killers by Barry Lyga (2012)

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blood, book, book review, family, fathers, funny, horror, humor, murdur, mystery, psychological thriller, serial killers, suspense, thriller

I Hunt Killers (2012)
by Barry Lyga
Hardcover Edition
Publication Date: April 3rd, 2012
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
buy a copy via Amazon.
synopsis via Goodreads.

What if the world’s worst serial killer…was your dad?

Jasper (Jazz) Dent is a likable teenager. A charmer, one might say.
But he’s also the son of the world’s most infamous serial killer, and for Dear Old Dad, Take Your Son to Work Day was year-round. Jazz has witnessed crime scenes the way cops wish they could–from the criminal’s point of view.
And now bodies are piling up in Lobo’s Nod.
In an effort to clear his name, Jazz joins the police in a hunt for a new serial killer. But Jazz has a secret–could he be more like his father than anyone knows?

My Thoughts:
Barry Lyga almost had me in an heart attack with I Hunt Killers–and he didn’t even inject me with Drano. The suspense was gripping, and a refreshing (although terrifying) addition to Young Adult horror. Lyga attempts to explore the complexity of serial killers, a teenager trying to find himself, while delivering a thrilling mystery with a huge chunk of suspense thrown in. And also a lot of blood. I’m trembling to read what else Lyga has up his sleeves.

[review] Lunatics by Dave Barry, Alan Zweibel (2012)

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adventure, book, book review, douchebags, funny, humor

Lunatics (2012)
by Dave Barry, Alan Zweibel
Hardcover Edition
Publication Date: January 10, 2012
Publisher: Penguin; Putnam Adult
buy a copy via Amazon.
synopsis via Goodreads.

One of them is a bestselling Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist. The other is a winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor. Together, they form the League of Comic Justice, battling evildoers in the name of . . . Okay, we made that line up. What they do form is a writing team of pure comic genius, and they will have you laughing like idiots.
Philip Horkman is a happy man-the owner of a pet store called The Wine Shop, and on Sundays a referee for kids’ soccer. Jeffrey Peckerman is the sole sane person in a world filled with goddamned jerks and morons, and he’s having a really bad day. The two of them are about to collide in a swiftly escalating series of events that will send them running for their lives, pursued by the police, soldiers, terrorists, subversives, bears, and a man dressed as Chuck E. Cheese.

My Thoughts:
Lunatics must’ve been a whole lot of fun to write, and just as fun to read–if you like fart jokes and forensic plumbing. It’s the unexpected adventure of two douchebags, one more than the other, who meet at an AYSO girls soccer match and end up tangled in a mess that involves Donald Trump, a terrorist in a Chuck E. Cheese suit, being naked on cruise ship, eating quesadilla de harina de yuca rellena con camarones y queso (I looked it up on Google, it looks delectable despite its extremely long name), and peeing on Sarah Palin. And there are also bears–two of them. And yes, it’s as ridiculous as it sounds. A fun read for anyone who loves Jackass, The Hangover, or a douchebags doing ridiculous things. Who cares about unlikable characters (you don’t know what’s a douchebag until you’ve met Jeffery Peckerman) and plot when you are too busy laughing?

I Often Chat With Strangers, and Sometimes They Scare Me

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chat, existence, humanity, humor, omegle, strangers, stupidity, world

I like Omegle. It’s a site where random strangers are paired up with one another to have a chat. If I am lucky enough to shift through the pedophiles, and 14-year olds looking for a sexchat, I sometimes have enlightening discussions about philosophy, the meaning of life, and how to survive a zombie apocalypse. And then sometimes I get this:

I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

I Am Sorry, Newspaper Telemarketer

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advertisinf, article, dead babies, dead bodies, hiding a dead body, humor, jokes, magazine, newspaper, subscribe, subscription, telemarketer

The sad moment when you realize that coupons are probably the only thing keeping newspaper subscribers.

I hate subscribing to anything. Even newspapers. Every few months I get a call from a newspaper telemarketer which ends up sounding a little like this:

Telemarketer: Hi, this is X from the (insert local newspaper here), would you like to subscribe for only (insert some cheap dollar amount here) a year?
Me: I’m sorry but I’m not interested.
Telemarketer: How about only the Sunday paper? You can get that for only (some other super cheap amount) a year!
Me: Well, we’ve actually subscribed before, but we barely had time to read the newspaper, and recycling it became a hassle. Besides, we watch the news on TV, or read the news online.
Telemarketer: But the online version is abridged, you get more out of the print version! Are you interested in coupons? There are a lot of coupons in the Sunday paper…
At this point I feel sorry for the telemarketer who I shot down–and also disappointed that he is resorting to trying to sell me coupons for a dollar off Tide detergent instead of the beauty of the written word. But I don’t even read newspapers, and why would I when I have television to feed me the news? My RSS feed updates every fifteen minutes to give me the latest updates from The New York Times, CNN, Rutgers, and when I was taking Macroeconomics–The Economist. And often even before my RSS feed can give me the news…Twitter already told me. To be honest, being extremely informed of the news isn’t that awesome either. When I first subscribed to all the popular news websites in my effort to become an aware citizen, I didn’t know much more about my country, but I did know where to hide a body if I ever needed to (apparently there’s this lady who put her dead baby in some abandoned suitcase for several decades–which really only sounds cool in a mystery novel.)

I wish you had more coupons.

The only magazine I am currently subscribed to is Better Homes and Gardens–and that was only because I won a year subscription during some online sweepstakes. I don’t even read them, I only keep several copies for future collaging material (I am a Visual Arts major after all)…or maybe if I ever need to cut out letters for a blackmail letter.